Performing Forgiveness-Seeking: Do Magic Words Comfort?

Abstract

Forgiveness is a process culminating in relationship renegotiation and transformation following the offering and acceptance of amends. The culmination of the forgiveness process is facilitated by the acknowledgement of a transgression, as well as identifying the harmed person and the transgressor. However, responsibility for a transgression may not always be clear, potentially compelling a perceived transgressor to make amends for a transgression they did not commit. Situated within the context of a person accusing a friend of a transgression, a perceived transgressor reframing their role to that of a supportive friend is examined as a potential solution to this problem. Using the communication theory of identity (CTI) and message design logic (MDL) as guiding theories, identity gaps are examined as antecedents of communicative interaction by influencing changes in relational and interpersonal communication satisfaction, as well as ongoing negative affect and depressive symptoms. Additionally, different messages (expressive, conventional, and rhetorical) are analyzed to determine participant evaluations as to the helpfulness, supportiveness, sensitivity, appropriateness, and effectiveness of these messages in reframing the perceived transgressor’s role to a supportive friend. Results concern different identity gaps being involved in reductions of relational and interpersonal communication satisfaction and increases in ongoing negative affect, and rhetorical messages being evaluated as highly helpful, supportive, sensitive, appropriate, and effective. Theoretical and methodological implications for both CTI and MDL are discussed, as well as connections of the findings to gaslighting and possible future research on the negative aspects of forgiveness as a communication phenomenon.